my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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