The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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