i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize