hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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