this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
