I'd wear matching sweaters with you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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