Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
