So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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