I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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