Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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