I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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