If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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