at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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