Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I will die if light touches me.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
