just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
