Cold hands, warm shart.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
