I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
