I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk is not a location!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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