My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
