Need sex. Gaining weight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
wow bdsm is so cute
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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