i just google imaged poop.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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