THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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