a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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