just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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