did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
