Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
