how can u be prego again
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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