i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
