you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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