Sponge bath it is.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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