so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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