Its about making memories worth repressing
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
