Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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