we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
