and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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