i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
