Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
