there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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