I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
