i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
