I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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