why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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