his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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