ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
