Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
