too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
