tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
