I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
