Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize