After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
