I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
